Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
