My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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