just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
