I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
