so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
