I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
