I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
