But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This baby is an asshole
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
