You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
