I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
