Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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