Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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