i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
