Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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