whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
