I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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