1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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