Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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