Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
