I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
