apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
operation harelip BJ is a go
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
