Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
