life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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