Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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