he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
