I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
