I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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