Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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