M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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