Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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