i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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