The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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