Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
