Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
