He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
