I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
