There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
