Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
