are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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