The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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