Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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