I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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