No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
