So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
