no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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