he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
