I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
