my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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