did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
