She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
