I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
