Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
